She who brought me into this world

is a fucking bitch, utterly a mind changing vixen. I have enough pressure from everything that surrounds and passes by me every fucking day of my fucking life and definitely need no more for what's already applied in my current frantic state. A hypocritical woman who tells me to respect, be discipline, be responsible, be sensible and be useful in the end i see her projecting herself without the values that she said. Everything I do, every glass i break, every things that are used up and everything i spoil the blame will arrive at my footsteps first as if I'm the only person in the world to ever exercise it, let's just say in her eyes I'm the person who seek and destroy. If you had someone discouraging the things you fond doing, it's like a streak of sharp words entering your ears and she wait for you to say i give up on what I'm doing. As it's the hardest obstacle to overcome when it comes from someone who you love tells you to quit or you will never succeed or your just wasting your time in what your doing, it would be the last thing I want to hear from anybody regardless who they're to me. Her undying shitty attitude problem, her high and mighty thinking puts all of us below her, her fast way of shutting people up, her crazy random mood swings, her way of seeing things differently, her way of different understanding in people, her discouraging words and her hypocritical two face wins the grand prize is what I HATE most well that's practically her because there's no good i see in her except she cares sometime and she laughs sometime other than that everything is malevolent to everybody else. I seek my very best attention from her but it tends to fail all the time and if it does it wasn't bothered at all at her presence, She calls me useless for what she sees that I'm nothing to her point but the fact that she never had the effort or time to see what I've accomplished at my age. I showed the talent i posses but over the years I grew tired of showing because 1. it's a waste of time 2. it won't be appreciated therefore i have no point of trying to show her. I'm always alone and because i'm always alone I've the time to think and the time to spend with my books and music, she never spends much time with me but more for my other sibling although I thank god for that because having her in my life isn't promising at all and the lust to cast her out is more desperate than ever. The only reason I'm so alive because that is the only way to keep me away from my bad childhood and the cold moments I experienced at home. I always wished I had somebody that understands me, love me, to be my right and left and be there for my up and downs, my kind of bella swan and also the kind of mom that I would want. Looks like neither will come. Oh well life goes on :) .